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APS has helped me to lean in to and listen to my son more
closely and trust my own intuition and confidence as a parent. Through the
years I read dozens of articles and books and none could even come close to
what I learned with Andrea’s help. I know no matter what the next parenting milestone
is with my son I am better equipped to handle it,


- Angela C., Client

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High Expectations, Necessary But Not Sufficient

August 15, 20222 min read

I listened to a mother of a child with autism deliver a presentation that received resounding applause. The central message of her speech was the importance of keeping high expectations of your child with autism. Okay. That works for me. I wholeheartedly agree that staying positive and believing that your child can grow increases the odds that he or she will, in part because you will continue to provide the supports that are necessary to promote growth.

The issue I had with this mother’s speech was that she asserted that the reason that her son had made so much progress was that she had kept her expectations high. Okay – I’m still with you. I get that. She went on to suggest that the difference between those children who excelled and those children who made little progress was the parents’ expectations. Wait, what?

I approached her after her speech since I thought that perhaps I had misinterpreted her words. Sadly, I had not. She clearly believed that if a child with autism fails to make progress, it is because his or her parents fail to keep expectations high enough. I am rarely at a loss for words, but her arrogance took my breath away. My blood still boils when I think of that conversation.

As parents of children with high needs, we all work hard and do the best we can with the knowledge, skills, tools and resources we have to help our children grow. If your child makes tremendous progress, I have no doubt that you as the parent played an enormous role in creating, inspiring and supporting that progress. However, the parents whose children continue to have high needs work at least as hard, if not harder even in the face of limited progress. Some children face more severe symptoms and manifestations of autism. Some families face so many additional challenges such as medical issues, co-morbid diagnoses, financial hardship and so much more. A failure of "high expectations" is not the reason some children remain severely impacted by autism.

As parents of children with special needs we must respect and support other parents. It can be difficult enough facing the judgment that is projected on us daily by people who have no experience with people with disabilities. I hope that some experience or encounter bring this mother (and anyone else who who is inclined to judge another parent) to a more compassionate understanding.

Andrea is an educator and coach who specializes in supporting parents of autistic and neuro-divergent children and teens.

Andrea Pollack

Andrea is an educator and coach who specializes in supporting parents of autistic and neuro-divergent children and teens.

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Andrea is a mom of two young adult children, a former lawyer in New York City, and an advocate for parents of autistic children and teens. When her autistic son was not thriving at school, Andrea left her 19-year law career to homeschool him. She later went on to earn her Master's in Education so that she could share her knowledge most effectively and help parents get swift and lasting results without years of trial and error. Now, with years of experience and research under her belt, Andrea is sharing her wisdom with the world through Autism Parent Solutions. 

My son and I both achieved tremendous growth

The program offered not only helpful strategies but also new perspectives that help me understand and relate better to my son. The frequency and severity of his aggressive outbursts have decreased significantly. He and I have a better understanding of each other and a better relationship overallThe program leader meets you where you are and offers very practical ways to troubleshoot challenges. APS helped me be relieved of my dreaded parental guilt and has made me feel successful!! And most importantly, my son is happier as a result of our mutual growth.

Tanya M.

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